Oliver, need I say more?

Oliver is a pain, to put it frankly. When I'm really old, senile, wearing depends and have well outlived my welcome amongst the land of the living much less amongst my half dozen offspring, I'm going to move in with Oliver and then hang on for dear life like a Duracell battery. I'll drool on my clothes, spill chocolate milk, leave my teeth soaking in his water glass in the bathroom, and just be about as annoying as can possibly be stood to make up for every waking minute of every day of his existence since he learned to walk. Yup. There's no curse along the lines of," When you grow up, I hope you have 6 children just like you," oh, no, not me. My curse goes like this," I hope that when I'm old and annoying, I get to live with you for at least a decade to make up for the eternity with you that right now seems to be."

As you can well imagine, Oliver is the odd man out. In a family of nerds, he is the athletic, bursting with energy, no, I do not want to go to Fernbank for my birthday, yes, I do think Chuck E. Cheese is the greatest place ever, sort of kid. And his calling, or at least what he feels his calling to be, is to annoy the heck out of everyone around him in every possible way all day every day.

Occasionally, when I have had enough of this 7 year old blessing, I send him to his room and inform him that he is not to come out until specifically called. This is how the scene plays out.

Gabriel and Vivian will be playing nicely. Oliver joins in and irritates them to the extent that a fight breaks out immediately. After the umphteenth time I say,"Oliver, go to your room." Oliver trots happily to his room and stands at the door patiently waiting. (The patience he has waiting to antagonize someone or catch a lizard is impressive). Eventually, Gabriel and Vivian will walk down the hall in route to the girls' room which is toy laden. As they walk by, Oliver will say," I get to stay in my room all by myself and play with all my toys all by myself, and you guys don't even get to come in."

Immediately, Vivian demands to be allowed the joy of being in Oliver's room (which he shares with Charles). Oliver continues," Gabriel is a baby so he can't come in. Babies stay in Jonathan's room." Gabriel immediately demands entry and insists with a very whiney, baby voice that he is not a baby, he is a big boy. Within minutes Vivian and Gabriel are crying and angry with jealousy that Oliver gets to be in his room alone. The massive grin across Oliver's face says it all.

It is at this point that the brain dead mother mentioned at the beginning of this sad epistle remembers to add the final part of the command," Oliver, go to your room, SHUT THE DOOR, and stay there until I call you." Of course, he then stands patiently at the window in the hopes that a sibling will walk past outside, at which time he immediately opens the window and brags that he gets to be in his room, all alone, hogging all the toys.

Oliver is my one child whom I know will make it in life. The question is, will the rest of the world make it.