Many has been the time when my husband has arrived home to the sound of three crying humans while I'm fixing supper with a glazed expression on my face. "Honey, why is everyone crying?" he asks. Crying? I don't know. I didn't hear anyone crying. The survival instinct of tuning everyone out has kicked in.
This instinct does become a bit of a problem when my friend sits across the table from me carrying on an earnest conversation and I realize moments before she wants a response that I tuned her out long ago and have been mentally compiling a grocery list while admiring her impecably applied makeup. Or when I've asked the same person the same question thirteen times. "Mommy, I just told you that." Well, tell me again. Then my pre-schoolers exchange looks that clearly state, mom's losing it. I take comfort in the fact that the phrase 'losing it' presupposes that I had it to begin with.
My all time favorite moment of the day is when I'm in the bathroom and someone invariably knocks on the door. Knock, knock. I turn off the fan. "What?" I ask. "Mommy, can you take my shoes off?" someone on the other side of the door asks. "I'm in the bathroom" (amazing how incredulous can still make its way into my voice. Nothing should surprise me now). " I know, but my shoes are wet," the kid responds. "Oh that changes everything. I'm actually just standing here on the other side of the door waiting to fulfill your next request." Could I get anymore sarcastic? So that kid sighs and moves on. Knock, knock. "What?" I ask, frustration mounting. " Mom, Oliver pooped, I think," a different kid says. "Great, now I know," I respond with a voice that's more a plea for privacy. Knock, Knock. " Whoever is on the other side of that door better be dying!" I practically scream out the words. Silence follows. Beautiful silence.
One part of my job that I genuinely enjoy, is ripping my sleeping children from their beds. This gives me profound, deep joy. I think it's all about revenge, really. I couldn't possibly count the number of times my children have awakened me. One week when a stomach virus was making the rounds, I had been awakened at least twice a night several days in a row. At dinner, I asked the kids why in the world didn't they wake up their dad when he slept on the side of the bed closest to the door. The children gazed at me for a few minutes. Clearly they hadn't really thought about it, but finally Charles came up with an answer. " Dad needs his sleep." I was momentarily speechless. Do I not need sleep? So I responded, " My favorite child is the one who wakes up dad." That night, Charles woke up his father. Ah, that was a beautiful moment.
And then there's the whole issue of friends. Women with a large family are typically close friends with other women who have a large family. Low maintenance friends are a must to the mother of many. Perhaps you've been told by a mother of one, " I've tried telling my girlfriends I just can't drop everything and go out for lunch and shopping on a whim anymore," and you give her what you hope is a knowing look while you realize that the two of you exist on planes so entirely unrelated that at best you can hope for a mentoring friendship rather than a friendship of mutual understanding and support. And let's face it- mentoring is a drain on already low reserves. So when you see a woman rush into church with a brood of 5 all under 7, wearing no makeup, you sigh a breath of relief and know that here is a woman you can be friends with. She'd never be upset if you forgot her birthday. She won't even remember having called you when you forget to return her phone call. Then there's the woman who mentions to you her extreme frustration at being too busy to get her nails done. You do your best not to laugh out loud and mentally move on. Who's going to need a new coat this fall? I wonder if there's chicken in the freezer I can thaw for dinner tomorrow night?
Perhaps you've been told, "it must be so wonderful being a stay at home mom. You don't have to worry about anything." At these moments there's only one thing to do. Breathe in and out deeply with your mouth firmly closed.
