Marriage is an interesting source of sanctification. I greatly enjoy watching other people's marriages and always come away with the same opinion. Married people deserve each other. Yes, I've heard it too: "My spouse is so much better than me, I don't deserve her." But this is hogwash said more for the benefit of the hearer than any sort of sincere feeling on the part of the sayer. How do I know this? Tell me, have you ever seen a couple in which one party is completely deferential to the other? Where one spouse shows himself to be the lesser of the two (I say himself as also encompassing herself- the male pronoun includes the female unless the context states otherwise) ? I could enjoy this sort of marriage very much for were my husband to think himself inferior to me- ah, the possibilities- never to lose an argument, always to be waited on hand and foot, never to be the cause of frustration or agitation in my beloved. What a bunch of nonsense. My husband and I definitely deserve each other, to the extent that we are glad we didn't bind ourselves to innocent people in the population, but found each other at a tender age and saved two other people a heap of trouble.
Have you heard it said that opposites attract? I'm not so sure that this is a good long term basis for a relationship. My husband and I have very similar interests, similar moral code, similar love of discipline, structure and schedule. However, our gifts are not equally apportioned. My husband does not multi-task. Let me offer an example: This comes out most strongly when he is driving. Picture this visually. First, he makes his way onto the highway and with no particular impulse or reason chooses a lane. Then he chooses a speed based on I know not what. Certainly not based on the car in front of him or any other car for that matter. He progresses oblivious to the fact that clearly his speed is at least 10 mph. faster than that of the car in front of him. Right before we are on the verge of making our way into the unfortunate driver's backseat, my husband slams on the brakes and looks right and left to see if he is able to pass. Most of the time he is not able to pass, and thus we are reduced to riding the bumper of the car in front of us, enjoying their movie on display for several miles before changing lanes. It is in this way that I learned people do not only play children's DVD's in their cars- because the last DVD I saw was quite inappropriate for children, and I think inappropriate for adults. But back to driving with my husband. I've learned the fine art of looking out my side window and should I direct my gaze anywhere else, it is definitely not out the front window. My husband's driving techniques are best enjoyed blindly. After taking a road trip with my sister and his cousin, the two passengers declared that they were driven practically mad at his methods and would never make the mistake of riding with him in the driver's seat again.
What my husband is very, very good at is focusing his attention on the most intricate or detailed job for literally hours. For me, unless I'm reading or writing a paper, I only undertake jobs that can be done within an hour, and I first reflect on the absolute best and most efficient way to do them so as to limit wasted energy. Perhaps this is because nearly all the duties of housewife fall under things that I'd rather avoid doing. When our laptop crashed and needed a new hard drive, my husband ordered the part and decided to install it himself. I knew that this was a marriage building sort of activity- after our last one which was wallpapering 6 years ago, we decided that we could not possibly afford the marriage counseling those sorts of activities required in the aftermath, and have not done one since. This in mind, my husband's cousin came over to assist. It was incredible. The laptop was taken apart entirely. Little screws and bits littered the dining room table. I passed by a couple times feeling quite sure that at the end of this $200 experiment, we would be buying a new $1800 laptop. After many hours, the laptop was reassembled and turned on in the audience of breathless anticipation. Whallah! It worked. Oh, the look of satisfaction and "I told you so" on my husband's face carried him through right to the end of the week.
The life of a housewife is, shall we say, very predictable. There are weeks where I feel quite sure that I am in groundhog day- and they could have saved themselves a heap of trouble setting up a video camera in my house rather than hire all those expensive actors for the movie. At home, I'm going to change lots of dirty diapers, wash dishes, fold laundry, teach math (Oh, how I detest math), fix meals, and mete out discipline to Oliver. I think this is where my love of camping comes in. Anything can happen. The question is: What did you not prepare for? The sudden catastrophe is a thing of joy for my capable mind (besides the fact that there is a greater limit to "household" chores). Stand aside, I can solve this problem. My husband, on the other hand, likes to be in Ground Hog Day, and dislikes the unexpected, and especially the unexpected catastrophe. He throws his hands in the air and settles into depressed musings.
The magic between us, my husband and I, is our love of the sarcastic, our love of order, our tendency to be completely unimpressed by the other person, and our sense of duty. We both are in the care of an immense ego, which stands out when rebuking one another. If I happen to be in a snit for some unspecified reason and get all huffy, my husband simply says, "Fine, be a brat, see what I care." With the delivery of this phrase, I'm awash in warm fuzzies for this wonderful man of mine. When he is upset about some little thing, all I have to say is, " so be a catered to Hodges brat. Maybe mommy will come take care of that for you," and he quite entirely snaps out of it. When we are really upset about something, we agree in a quite manly fashion, to be silent on the subject until we can discuss it rationally and quietly. We used to average this sort of transaction once a year. Now, we don't entirely remember our last argument, which was nearly two years ago. Perhaps after 11 years of marriage, you've mostly worked the kinks out. I think that our lack of arguments stems from the fact that we both believe ourselves to be the superior of the other, and are thus willing to be a bit generous and accomodating with the other person. Also, because we are the better creature, firm rebukes are not taken too hard but are rationally digested and applied.
The next time you hear someone complain of their spouse, remember- they deserve each other. I guess it is possible that this is not always the case, though I've yet to see the exception. You can tell a lot about a person by the spouse they chose and the spouse they complain of. I have no complaints. I've married a man who deserves me entirely, and I'm quite certain that I deserve him.
